Worst Long Distance Relationship Problems?? Now solved !
I must warn you:
This is a long and comprehensive article! But if you do have the
self-discipline to carefully read it word by word until the end, then I
can guarantee that you’ll find the answers to most of your long distance
relationship problems.
So, if having a lovely
long distance relationship is your goal then I recommend that you take
the time and read it all, because this is gonna be the most insightful
article that you’ll ever find on the subject.
Problems like jealousy, fear of being cheated on, unbearable missing,
constant fights, getting her naughty, boring conversations, confusion
about the future, lack of attraction, too much clubbing, will be covered
in this article. So, take some time and enjoy!
1. Jealousy
Jealousy is one of those emotions that eat you from the inside if not
handled in the right manner. So, how do you manage your jealousy so
that it does not affect your emotional state or your long distance
relationship?
Well, the first thing to understand is that jealousy is an instinct
that we humans have to protect us from losing the person we love. So, it
is totally natural to feel jealous and it’s totally natural to express
your jealousy too.
Now, the question is how to express jealousy in the right manner? And
the simple answer to this question is that we want to be reasonable
about it. We want avoid the two extremes: ignorance and neediness.
We want to let our partner know when we feel jealous and clarify it
together, so that it does not “boil” inside your mind. Therefore doing
that, instead of trying to repress the feeling, or become over
controlling and aggressive as a result.
Now, one more thing to keep in mind is that in a healthy
relationship, your partner should avoid as much as possible the
situations that could make you jealous. Therefore you need to let your
partner know that jealousy is not your favorite emotion, and it’s better
for the relationship if she avoids potential jealousy situations.
So, do not repress your jealousy, but express it and clarify it in a
calm and collected manner with your partner. But take care; jealousy can
also be a symptom of you being too insecure about yourself. In this
case you need to deal first with your insecurities and then the jealousy
will be diminishing as a result.
Read the full article for a more comprehensive explanation of how to deal with jealousy
2. Constant Fights
We all know that fights and arguments are normal in a relationship.
But are they normal when they happen too often and when they lead to a
lot of stress and worries? …I believe not!
So, how do we deal with long distance relationship fights in a way that does not make us stressed and restless?
From my experience dealing with fights successfully is all about seeing things from a different perspective than we usually do.
It’s not a war. When we normally start an argument
we see each other as two opponents that have an issue to “debate”.
Therefore we get angry, maybe yell at each other, blame each other and
we forget that we actually have a relationship and that we love each
other.
We tend to focus on bringing the right arguments, finding excuses
etc. and forget that we are actually in a relationship, and we want to
be happy, both of us want that.
So the idea here is: when you’re having an argument to remember that you are both on the same side, it’s not a war,
it’s your relationship and the real enemy is the conflict itself not
your partner. Thus you want to work on solving the conflict together
rather than blaming each other.
Another piece of advice that I can give you is clarifying a problem or conflict when it arises.
Unless is too late in the evening and you’re both tired and can’t think
rationally anymore, never end a conversation without clarifying a
conflict.
This is important because you don’t want to leave a conflict “in the
air” and let it affect both of you for a longer period of time than
necessary. As soon as a problem arises, talk it trough and don’t end the
conversation until you’re both on the same page and things are back to
normal.
3. Unbearable Missing
Loneliness and missing our partner like crazy it’s what makes long
distance relationships challenging. But there are ways in which we can
make time feel like passing faster. From my experience, you can diminish
the longing for your partner in 6 different ways:
Involving yourself in time limited activities. I am
sure you’ve noticed how fast time seems to pass when you’re in the
middle of a written exam and you’ve got only 30 minutes to write a lot
of stuff; or, how fast time seems to pass when you’ve got a huge project
to complete in a short time period. Well, the idea is that you get
yourself involved in activities which require you to see time as very
“limited”.
Spending time in an enjoyable way. Does it feel like time’s going too fast when
you have a short ‘one week holiday’ from school/work? Or do you feel like weekends pass too fast? And you have to get back to work or to school too soon? So, the point here is that doing anything that means escaping something unpleasant from your life and doing something pleasant instead will make time feel like passing MUCH faster than normal.
you have a short ‘one week holiday’ from school/work? Or do you feel like weekends pass too fast? And you have to get back to work or to school too soon? So, the point here is that doing anything that means escaping something unpleasant from your life and doing something pleasant instead will make time feel like passing MUCH faster than normal.
Dividing time into small intervals. One great thing
that you can do is to divide a longer period of time into smaller
intervals so that you focus your mind and patience on the next upcoming
event rather than on the entire long period that you have to wait until
you see your partner again. These could be events like a birthday (yours
or hers), receiving a package that she sent you, getting a letter from
her, getting a job application answer, passing an exam successfully,
graduating, having a holiday etc.
Discover them now while it's not too late, and don't say I
We humans are sexual beings – we use sex for reproduction; we use it
for pleasure, for fun, for expressing our feelings, for health and so
on. But when we’re in a long distance relationship, all of a sudden sex
is a big problem.
So, how can we enjoy a satisfying sexual life while being apart? How
can we get our partner naughty and ready to ‘play’ with us on the
webcam? It really isn’t that hard to get her naughty but there are a few
things that you need to know.
First of all you want to be comfortable with your sexuality. You want
to be able to talk about sex with no restraint and be open-minded about
doing crazy sexy stuff. You need to know that women love sex (even more
than we men do) and that they are ready to “open-up” given the right
circumstances.
And the most important piece of the puzzle in creating the right
circumstances is that she enjoys the process of “being naughty for you”.
The problem is: online sex is not as satisfying for women as is may be
for men; as a result women are not very enthusiastic about it.
So, you must make her feel good about it, give her sincere
compliments, talk a little dirty to her, make her feel like she’s the
most special and the sexiest woman in the world. If you do that, she’ll
be happy to show you her perfect breasts or anything else, any time you
want to see them.
For a MUCH more detailed method of how to wake up her naughtiness check out the full article:
5. Boring Conversations
While talking is generally the only thing that we can do online with
our partner, at some point we drain out all the conversational topics
and as a result awkward silences start to kick in, or the conversations
become more and more predictable and boring. Now, even though this is a
very common issue, it can be easily solved if taking some time to spice
things up. In my view…
Boredom Is A Choice…and Only Boring People Get Bored!
So how can we make conversations more interesting?
Expand the topics. You ask her what she did today,
and she tells you for example that she did many things. And then you
take them one by one and comment on them and ask her expanding questions
about each one.
Make her curious. Curiosity makes conversations more
intense, therefore you want to speak in a way that gets her eager to
find out more and begs you for it. You can tell her a story and then
change the subject in the middle of the story; or refuse to answer one
of her questions unless she fulfills one of your requests etc.
Make conversations more interactive. Do stuff while
talking on Skype, high-five her virtually when she tells you something
cool, show her something interesting, play a game, ask her to do
something for you right now etc.
Teach her something. I bet you know a lot of cool
stuff, why not teach her something that you’re passionate about? Share
with her interesting stuff that you learned that day, tell her about
your expertise in a specific area.
Use questions for couples. Search the internet for
“questions for couples” and you’ll find hundreds of interesting
questions to ask each other and make conversations more fun.
Be humorous. Making a girl laugh is the best
aphrodisiac. So be funny by telling her funny stories, jokes, make fun
of yourself (careful with this), make funny comments about people/stuff
etc.
6. Uncertainty About The Future
It’s hard to fight for something that seems to go nowhere, and it’s
very often that long distance relationships seem to lead nowhere. My
current 2 years relationship did not have a “closing the distance plan”
until a few months ago. For 1.5 years we “loved each other” from afar
without having an idea of when and how the distance would close.
Right now, we plan on closing the distance a year from now, moving
together to Scotland, but it’s also indefinite. So how do we keep
fighting for our love even without seeing a bright future together?
Where do we get the motivation for it?
My answer to this question is simple: A car driver when driving in
the night does not need to see the whole road from point A to point B
entirely, in order to get to his destination. He just needs to see the
next 100 meters lighten by the front lights. In a long distance
relationship it’s ideal if you know when you’ll get back together.
But if you don’t know it yet, it doesn’t mean that you have to be
discouraged and give up. Your “destination” is closing the distance, and
“the next 100 meters” is the next time you meet again.
That’s it. Knowing that you love each other and you want to
eventually close the distance (and always looking for that opportunity)
is the first thing, and the second important thing is being guided by
the “next visit”.
You can go like that for years, until one day an opportunity to close
the distance will arise. I know I did, and I know thousands of
successful couples did that too and still do it every day.
And here’s how to take this thing to the next level:
Have fun stuff to look forward to! Figure out some exciting stuff that
you want to do together next time you meet, like: going to a trip
together, having sex 6 times a day for 2 days, going to a special event
together, going to a special restaurant to have dinner etc. so that you
really look forward to your next visit.
And the next thing is to make your visits truly memorable
so that they remind you later of how amazing you can be together and
motivate you to fight for your love, even while confused about the
future.
7. Lack Of Attraction
Believe it or not, but attraction is a very predictable emotion. We
humans can make other people more attracted to us at will, as long as we
know and also UNDERSTAND the attraction “buttons”.
There are basically 7 attraction buttons that I found to be the most
powerful ways to get & keep a girl attracted. And these attraction
buttons are the following:
1) The Possessiveness Button. Women just like
men, are possessive beings, and being able to wake up her possessiveness
in the right way, and get her feeling a little insecure about losing
you is one the fastest ways to get a girl attracted.
2) The Challenge Button. This is one of the most
confusing ways to get a woman attracted. In just a few words it means
keeping her on her toes, and playing with her ego.
3) The Excitement Button. Excitement is all about
fun, therefore making your relationship entertaining for you and for
her is the sure way of pushing the excitement button.
4) The Dominance Button. Women want to be in a
relationship with a masculine man. Now, masculinity can be defined in
different ways but to give you a little hint: it’s all about initiative!
5) The Attention Button. Attention from men is
food for a woman’s ego. If you’re able to give her just enough attention
so that she wants more of it then you’ll be her “prince charming”.
6) The Intrigue Button. Creating intrigue is
playing with a woman’s mind, and making her eager to find resolution to
the confusion that also you created.
7) The Laughter Button. Making a woman laugh is one of the best ways to conquer her hearth, her mind and her body.
So, if you are aware of these seven buttons, you understand how they
work and you learn how to press them correctly, then getting your
girlfriend madly attracted to you will be a children’s play.
8. Too Much Clubbing
I keep hearing the same question from guys over and over again: Is it okay if their girlfriends like to go out clubbing very often?
That’s why I sat down one Sunday and wrote an article about clubbing,
expressing my opinion on the matter once for all.
But if I were to sum up my stand on this matter, I’d tell you the
following: Long distance relationships and clubs are not a great match.
You see, women are attention seeking beings. They love attention from
men and they hit the clubs mostly to get a lot of romantic attention
from guys.
Most of the women that are in serious relationships DON’T go to clubs
to meet guys, they don’t go there to find easy sex, to get drunk or
take drugs. They just go there to have fun, to dance, hang out with
their friends and receive attention from men. And that’s totally fine
right? Well, actually not.
The problem that I have with clubs and parties is that there is too
much temptation going around. And by temptation I mean horny guys going
around trying to chat them up, dance with them, buy them drinks and hit
on them; other people making out all over the place; their single
girl-friends hooking up with guys and so on.
So, even though your girlfriend is going out to just have some
‘normal’ fun, the temptation is all around her, and the fact that she
has to force herself to resist it, is already not a good thing.
Moreover giving the fact that there’s also alcohol involved, dim
light, loud music and even drugs, the chance of her being influenced by
the club culture of being “slutty” is even bigger.
So, why would you be okay with your girlfriend putting herself
constantly in such a situation where she has to chose and force herself
to stay “faithful”?
The solution to this issue that I found is to agree on a few
“clubbing rules”, which among others include not going out very often;
when going out having some pre-discussed limitations, and then being
totally transparent the next day about how the night has been.
9. Being Disrespected By Your Girlfriend
The issue of respect in a relationship comes up a lot, and that’s
because mutual respect really is an important ingredient for a happy
romantic relationship.
We men, we need to be taken seriously, we need to be listened to, we
need to be followed, satisfied and appreciated. And when we’re not…guess
what? We feel disrespected.
I personally feel disrespected when I am lied to, refused,
interrupted, not taken seriously, ignored, cursed, made intentionally
jealous, promised something and not delivered and so on.
All of these, when done by the girl I love, make me feel disrespected, and they’d probably make you feel disrespected too.
Now, the reality is that even some of the most loving and caring
women could sometimes say or do something than could offend us. And
that’s because they behave in the way they
1) are used to,
2) feel like
in a specific moment,
3) or what to test our reactions.
But no matter what their reason for second class behavior is, it is
not a beneficial factor for your relationship to accept it. You as a man
need to set some boundaries and not accept second class behavior from
your love partner.
Why? I have two simple reasons for you:
1) because you lose her
respect and also her attraction along the way.
2) Because you indirectly
encourage her to continue disrespecting you, and thus create more pain
and suffering in your relationship. And both of these reasons
unavoidably lead to painful breakups.
So what do you do? My best piece of practical (and no theoretical
bullshit) advice for you is to point out any and all situations where
she behaves in a unacceptable way and let her know that you don’t
approve of her behaving in such a way. As simple as that.
As the saying goes “you have to teach others how to behave with you”,
and that’s exactly what you have to do in a relationship too – educate
her to behave in a way that makes you feel happy and satisfied, rather
than accepting behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable and
frustrated.
And that’s what she should do too, she should let you know any time
she does not like something in your behavior. This way you’ll both know
each other’s boundaries and you’ll make sure to respect them.
Moreover, because we are not robots, but human beings, changing our
behavior does not normally happen in an instant, and only setting your
boundaries might not always lead to her becoming a 100 percent
respectful girl from there on. She might continue to offend you
intentionally or unintentionally again, and that’s when the hard part
starts.
10. Fear of Infidelity
And I saved the best for the last. “I am afraid that she’ll fall for someone else!” Or “I am afraid that she’ll cheat on me, and I can’t control it!” That’s what I hear your “little inner voice”
screaming in your head any time you feel a bit insecure. And you’re not
alone. Plus it’s totally normal to feel this way when you’re far away
from your girlfriend. (by the way she probably feels the same too)
Now how do we deal with the fear of infidelity and how do we make sure to keep her faithful? (million dollar question)
Well from my experience, keeping a woman faithful comes down to two
basic principles: “freedom of choice” and “minimizing temptation”. What
do they mean?
Freedom of choice. People tend to like doing what
they are told NOT to. What Freedom of Choice means is that you never
force your girl to stay faithful, just the opposite, you give her the
freedom to cheat if she feels like it, if she thinks that this what she
wants. But only as long as she takes responsibility for her actions and
for the fact that your relationship will end after that.
This is a powerful way of dealing with the infidelity issue, because it puts the choice in her hands.
It gives her the freedom to do that she wants, and does not force her
to behave in a specific way. It’s not you who keeps her from dating,
sleeping with other guys, its herself that decides not to do it, because
she wants to be with you.
But I recommend that you read the full article about this issue in
order to get all the details about how to use this principle:
Minimizing Temptation. This means creating all the
conditions so that infidelity would be very unlikely to happen. Would
you be more likely to eat a hamburger if you were hungry and the
hamburger was in front of you?
Or if you had no hamburger what so ever around? So, you want to make sure that your girlfriend avoids
as much as possible putting herself in situations that could
potentially lead to infidelity and/or basically creating all the
conditions for infidelity NOT to happen.
- Regular Communication and Transparency. Meaning that you communicate more than once a day and both of you are aware of what the other partner is doing at any time. This does not mean being controlling, it just means being a part of each other’s lives and thus keeping in touch and sharing with each other what you’re doing during the day.
- Less Clubbing. This is pretty obvious if you read the “What If She Likes Clubbing” article.
- Relationship Status on Facebook. People talk. And the risk of someone that knows her telling you about her being unfaithful will stop her from even thinking about infidelity, at least in her social circle. Plus, most guys when seeing that she’s in a relationship won’t hit on her.
And if you wish to take this a step further, here’s a special tip for you:
Join one of the facebook groups where she’s got her social circle
online. For example if she’s studying at the university, most probably
there will be a facebook group where all her colleges communicate with
each other.
Final Word
So, that’s my 2 cents on long distance relationship problems. Leave
me a comment below and DO let me know what you are your thoughts on this
article and also let me know if there’s any other Problem, Issue, Challenge or Frustration
that you might have in your long distance relationship, and I’ll make
sure to address them in future articles. Also if you know anyone who can
benefit from reading it…pass it on. I really hope that you share it
with the world, as you might contribute to the success of another long
distance relationship.
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