2 critical, several injured after IIT Madras Mess registration

 We bring you latest news from Indian Institute of technology where a large number of casualties are being reported after Mess registration that occurred on Monday 2nd September 2013. No fatalities have been reported yet but it is said that two students are still critical and up to 10 people have got minor injuries.
The whole scenario may seem astonishing for moment but the Director of IIT has decided to set up a panel to look into the issue. Our close sources have told us that if the issue persists then there might be a need of even CBI enquiry.
Saras Mess
IIT Madras mess, as shown on IIT’s website.
It is said that on Sunday night of 1st September 2013, a mail spammed up the email boxes of all the students of IIT Madras. We came to know that the contents of email were dreadful but all the students were forced to read the mail. We issue a statutory warning to all our readers, as next few lines are not for weak soul. The mail read that, “Dear Students, We are sorry for the past failures in Mess Registration and we will Again Be Having a Mess Registration.”
The mail also stated steps students needed to follow the mess registration. According to some students (who on terms of anonymity) said that this was the fourth time the mess registration was occurring (within span of a month). Such emails were being sent to students after a gap of every 5-10 days and every time the mess registration failed. In fact, this time to pressurize the students the whole process was a two daylong affair.
We tried to reach the Hostel Affairs Secretary (HAS) of IIT Madras for his comments but he was unavailable. It is said that HAS, has become the most prominent personality in IIT Madras. In fact, he has also hired new executives such as General Secretary and Speaker of the SAC to speak for himself. It was his idea to have several mess registrations so that students can forget about registering the Mess.
In fact, now whenever students get mail (which now they get almost everyday) regarding Mess registration, they should be filled with fear. IIT Madras students can easily be seen sitting in front of computer trying to just login into the site. Some of these students didn’t even drink water for hours or pissed (which led them to the hospital).
Two unfortunate students (who desperately wanted something known as Food Court) finally were able to login and register for it. They were so happy that they started partying with their friends (as if they achieved the most important feat of their life) and suddenly came to know that Mess Registration has canceled. This gave them a severe heart attack and they were immediately rushed to hospital.
In other news, we found out that IRCTC is really happy with this development and is planning to sue everyone who said its site was the slowest. Also Microsoft is trying to hire HAS and all his associates as they have displayed different type of errors that were not even visible to Microsoft developers. Hearing about this information the central government is very happy and is going to make it part of its “Bharat Nirman” (India Development) Initiative.

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